When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
