There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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