Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
