I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
