I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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