as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
