im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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