I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
