I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
