i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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