Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
