is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
