He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
