My Higher Power is John Stamos
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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