Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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