so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
