someone threw a dead crab at me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
