thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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