i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
