There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
