You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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