i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
