please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
