I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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