Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
