She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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