Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
