She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
