Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize