jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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