he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize