Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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