if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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