there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
