All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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