Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Couch. On fire.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize