i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Acid is not a monday night drug
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
