she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
