so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
