I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
