Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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