Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
