We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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