I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
