apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
