and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
