Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Did I show you my penis last night?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
