I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
