My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
