Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize