Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
