unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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