i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize