i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
