Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
