My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize