There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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