I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
