mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
