Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
