Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
