dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
