you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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