Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
