its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
