Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
