I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
