You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
