john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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