My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
cat food counts as protein by the way
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
