Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
