I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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