Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize