Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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