i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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