she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
