Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
