Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
