Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
