I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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