And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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