If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
