I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
