nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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